SO you are becoming a Mommy...: Living in NYC

SO you are becoming a Mommy...: Living in NYC: People who don't live in NYC tell me how "awesome" or "incredible" it must be to live and raise children in NYC. I...

Living in NYC

People who don't live in NYC tell me how "awesome" or "incredible" it must be to live and raise children in NYC.

It's not.
Notice, most people leave the city when they have kids, and very few people move in to the city once they have had children.

The reason is that you have to be semi nuts or completely out of your mind to raise children here.

Think about this, when you run out of a few things that you need from the market, you probably walk or drive to a nearby market and pick up what you need. So the same thing happens to me. Except, I have to go to a market I share with a zillion people living in abnormally small places that cost a lot and these people are pissed about it. They will literally run you over, hit you with a baguette or curse you out.

Your post office? For some reason NYC has a real shortage of them. So when you go, you are guaranteed a line that's a mile long and two people at the counter who are inevitably miserable.  I guess they are surprised employment in a post office is not fun? I don't know why. But, I avoid post offices at all costs. Need to mail something? Oh well, I'll see the recipient soon enough.

We have an insane amount of banks, so you don't mind going to one.  Chase alone has 4000 in a 10 block radius. If you're going to the bank and see a line, leave quickly, because the bank is getting robbed. We don't have lines at banks.

School? We have a variety. But even our public ones require applications. Everything here requires an application. I'm pretty sure somewhere along the way I filled one out to be oermitted to have a BM on this island.

So you're wondering where I've been the last three months...
Let's dive deeper in the polluted Hudson and examine.....

Modern martial arts

I was up most of last night thinking how to reintroduce myself, but then I knew, I didn't have to. Summer is a beautiful season and one to be with family.
It's been a blast and a blessing and, as always, a lesson.

I'll spare all the info, but I will say, my son, my only, who I helpicopter, got lost.
At a camp.
A day camp.
And they won't refund.

So, I'm writing because this camp is a business.

MMA of NYC, with several locations, took my child on a NYC bus without an "ok" because they sent the day itinerary to an email that was not mine.

A friend in the neighborhood was on the same bus as my son, took a picture and sent it to me.
Worst part, he could not find his group and was lost.

Disaster.

Even better, the girl that works at the desk, will not, since July, try to refund over $1300.00 remaining back.

But I can use it for more camp.

Hahahahaha.

It's a riot at this point.

Wishing them the best.
Please pass along.

I Survived my Mother In Laws Visit

Its a total cliche. I am a daughter in law who does not get along with her mother in law.

BFD.

This is not shocking, unique, or interesting.  

They say that men marry women who have similarities to their mothers. My poor husband must have meant to marry someone else that day and was too drunk to realize it was me, since this lady and I could not be more opposite. 

She was born in the country, I, in the city.  She's a nurse, I'm a beauty/fashion/media contributor.  She's tall and I'm short. I could go on. But you get the point. Nothing alike. 

Anyway, she announces in May that she's coming to visit June 16th in her RV and we are supposed to drop everything because she decided to visit. 

Past experience tells me that this visit will be a pain.  It's especially dicey because the visit is over Father's Day and my Husband's birthday.  It's also the start of my son starting summer vacation, so our schedule changes quite a bit. 

Bluntly speaking, it's not the right time for a visit. 

I had an unforeseen family circumstance occur on my side of the family that I had to tend to, so I was less available mentally, physically and emotionally this time around. 

Each mother in law visit has the same story.  My MIL insults me and I responding to the insult with

something crass and we have an argument. 

I can't live that way anymore.

Over the last two years I've "cleaned out" my mental place of situations and people that cause me harm. It's been a very healthy process. In order to continue in that spirit, I had to figure out how to manage this woman. 

My strategy was complex, but doable. My goal was going to be the best prize fighter of all time. It was my chance to be the daughter in law version of Sugar Ray Robinson.

I entered the ring, or in my case South Street Seaport, for a boat ride and early dinner. 

She gossiped about people's wives (which I can not stand.)  

She repeated sentences two and three times that she thought would get a rise out of me.

She undermined me as a parent and asked my five year old to go camping with her, (she knows the answer is "no.")

Sugar Ray Robinson said nothing. 

I was a prize fighter on defense ducking, blocking, and tucking.  

But she would get no jabs from me. 

My Husband was shocked by the match. 

I even gracefully handled my son blowing me up when he told my MIL that, "mommy said the dinosaur structure you sent me was stupid and threw it out."

She had one in her hand reminding him of the wood chips that were all over our apartment. I asked
her to put the one in her hand together and she quickly saw my frustration.

I think we have both grown, but I can only speak for myself. 

I've learned in two years of cleaning out mental and emotional clutter that other people's problems can not become your problems.

I can't change this woman.  No matter how much I talk back or argue I'm powerless to make her change.  

What was empowering was that I could change myself and my way of handling the situation. I was strong enough to handle every verbal punch thrown at me with grace and dignity. 

I also had my lawyer put in writing that my son is never allowed to go camping with this woman. 

Just to avoid any future confusion. 

How do you raise children here?!

Id like to say "I get this question a lot" in a good way, but I'd be lying.

I'm asked by people who come to visit me in the city with children in tow, "how do you raise children here?!"

Those asking usually have dark circles under their eyes with frazzled wind blown hair and bags of American Doll and Disney Store items. 

I know this look well. It's a cross between frazzled, worried and confused. I call it "Frarriedused."

The answer is, "the hell if I know."

Raising kids anywhere is tough. Raising kids in NYC is like a contained circus that brings in wild jungle animals to stir things up.  

I have cried. 

Because I have been that tired. 

Garbage trucks at 4:30am wake your children. Even if you live on a high floor. Even if you have a sound machine. 

My son gave up his nap at 18 months because my building was rebricking outside our apartment unit.  The building did not provide notice so I did not make alternate arrangements. Out of nowhere we heard sudden loud drilling and a bunch of men outside my living room window. Followed by a baby crying. A baby who would never nap again. 

An added element to living in NYC is being in front of people all of the time.  It makes child rearing in NYC a touch more stressful. My son doesn't pitch a tantrum in the back of a car. He does it on a street corner.  

Taking your four year old child to pre-school on the NYC bus becomes entertaining when your child begins to pole dance while singing Old McDonald Had a Farm. 

People don't find it amusing or cute at 7:30 in the morning. 

I often feel like I'm juggling cats. 

Getting strollers through doors, down and up steps and in and out of subways becomes an Olympic sport.  Putting babies in cabs, while cars around you beep and beep and people wave with the middle finger make you not want to leave your block. 

Like anything else, you figure it out. 

So how do I raise my child here? I just do. I pray a lot for safety. I pray for sanity. 

I just keep going. 

What we need to stay alive

Today concluded my sons pre-k experience and his portfolio is very impressive. In this portfolio he shares some thoughts that I wish to pass on to you.

Q: What do we need to stay alive!
A: "Eat spaghetti and meatballs because that will help if you're in the ocean you might die and if you eat you won't die."

We are Italian American and I am glad that I've instilled the value of spaghetti and meatballs making everything in the world better.

Q: What do you like to do with your family?
A: I like to eat chickens with them.

Great.
All the baseball, wrestling, shows, museums, vacations, martial arts....
But eating chicken really made an impact.

Happy official start of summer!