Integrating the new baby with your pet(s)

I have three chihuahuas.  Ringo (12 years), Spike (11 years) and Consuela (10 years).

When I was expecting my son I read and re-read many articles on how to get the baby to integrate with the dogs and make it a seamless experience.

I used the blanket scent that experts say works.
We brought our baby blanket with our sons scent on it home for the dogs to sniff at.

I do not think it worked all that well.

Ringo and Consuela were pretty cool about it.  I could tell they were confused but were ok with everything.

Spike, on the other hand, hid in the hall closet off and on for two months.

Almost five years later he has adjusted.

The moral of this little story?

Do not worry, they will adjust.

And you will too:)

The Dentist

Yesterday I had a terrible realization.

I asked my dentist how long it had been since my last visit; the cleaning seemed to be a bit more intense than usual.

He told me it had been one year.
This simple, (and kind of gross) fact made me realize something startling.

Putting the needs of everyone ahead of me has begun to take a toll.

Once in a while, when I see that I am neglecting myself, I get pissy.

I think things like:

What the hell time do I have to wake up to get everything accomplished in a day?
Why do I feel like I am running in circles?

And the worst:

Why do I feel like my life changed SO much more than my husband?

I have had many mixed messages on the role of women.  I have heard man opinions.
I am regularly asked such things as:

What do you do when your son is at school?
Why are you a stay at home mom if you only have one child?

As though I should hand my four year old a metro card and say, "have a great day! see you tonight!"

And yet, I have not been able to get the time for a teeth cleaning in one year.

It makes me think.

The only advice I can give on this matter, is do what is good for you and screw the naysayers.

That being said, to those who ask what stay at home Moms do all day:
Ask yourselves why you have time to think about what other people are doing, and then fill that time with something more productive.

Namaste

What you need for the newbie

So, I like to post about comical topics, but one thing not funny is wasting money on products for your baby.

Here is a list of items I recommend, based on my experience.

Keep one thing in mind:

The wipe warmer, was an obsession of my infant niece.  I thought it was ridiculous, but she would not let my sister clean her tooshy without the wipe being of perfect wipe warmer temperature.  That being said, had she not been introduced to a perfectly warmed wipe, I suspect she would have been fine and adjusted to chilly or room temperature wipes like the rest of us did:

1-Bottles (I loved Dr. Browns)
2-Crib, crib mattress, crib pad, crib sheets
3-Bibs
4-High Chair
5-Stroller (I recommend Bob Revolution, it is a beast)
6-Portable car seat
7-Electronic swing
8-Exersaucer
9-Free and Clear detergent
10-Diapers in a variety of sizes
11-Baby medical kit (with little baby nail clippers-so cute)
12-Gripe Water

If you have a child that is not a man child like mine was, you will probably like to have a carrier, like the Bjorn.  My son was so long and I am so short that I gave mine to a friend.

The one item I can say across the board that most of my parent friends agree to skip is anything that resembles a diaper genie.  Everyone I know threw it out.
Just buy bags to put those dirty things in and be on your way.

The Exersaucer

My husband had a dream…

Exersaucers are great fun for little munchkins.  My son loved his.  It played a song when he pressed a button that would simply exclaim, “red…yellow…and blue oooohhhh oooohh.”

It was truly ridiculous and very catchy.

I suppose it was catchy enough that you could even hear it in your dreams.

It was during one of my sons early morning wake ups (4:15am), that I placed him in the exersaucer while I had some coffee.  Long after he was out of the exersaucer, my Husband emerged from the boudoir and said:

“I had the strangest dream.  I was trying to park the car away from the song the exersaucer plays, but no matter how far away I moved the car, I kept hearing the song.”

It will haunt your dreams…

Today is International Women's Day

Today is International Women’s Day.

I had no idea this day existed until I checked my Facebook Feed this morning and saw the news.  I was fortunate to read many beautiful dedications and forwards about the work that women do.  Of course, I also read some comments from disgruntled men, but that is not an area I want to venture in to at the moment.

Anyway, I started to think about the role of women in marriage and the home.

In my experience, being a primarily stay at home Mom has meant that I inherited a lot of the manual labor.  This ranges from cleaning ceilings (I call myself Leonardo DaVinci when I do this,) cleaning poop, and administering medication, to name only a few of my areas of expertise that are not highlighted on my resume, but that I am damn good at.

But this work is only a small component of a much bigger picture.

I recently read Betty Whites book, If You Ask Me, and she briefly references why she never had her own biological children (she does have step children.)  Betty explains that while she realizes many modern women would disagree, she did not believe that a woman could do both (the kids and the career,) and do them both with equal gusto.  Whether you or I believe that or not is not what I am discussing here, but I bring it up because it made me really think about the role of women, without even knowing that we had an International Women’s Day right around the corner.

So what is the role of a woman in my household? I know you are dying to know.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Picture it, (yes Sofia Petrillo,) New York City, 2012. 

I leave the apartment with my jogging stroller, my son, who was not even one year old, and my three Chihuahuas.  It was raining so I had an umbrella to hold as well.  My eldest dog Ringo was just diagnosed with diabetes and I had the role of measuring his ketone level in his urine while trying to determine the correct insulin dose for him.  As I stood out in the rain, I remember laughing to myself about how ridiculous I must have looked in my gym clothes, my frizzy hair, a baby, three dogs and a ketone stick on a New York City sidewalk taking a urine sample from a Chihuahua.  I never would have imagined that as a part of my role description in my home, but there I was doing it.

I think what makes caretaking so special is that it requires humility.  It is a humbling experience for both men and women and one that most of the time, I enjoy.

 It also requires a sense of humor. 

As a Mom, or Dad, you will find yourself in some really bizarre situations and you need to keep your wits about you and hopefully grab a laugh.  I have never been more tired, or fulfilled, as taking care of my family, by my definition. 

Whatever today means to you, celebrate it.  Living this life is a gift and every day is another opportunity to smile and smell the urine.  Sorry, I mean flowers.  Smell the flowers.

That overbearing one...

Years ago, when I was young and had the world by the balls, my friends and I used to use the term, "that guy," for any guy who was an ass.  You know who I mean.  The guy that got too drunk at the bar or the guy that always said the wrong thing.

Years later, as a Mommy, I discovered that "that Mom," can also exist.

And it is way scarier than "that guy."

Tracy was a stay at home Mom with two little boys.  Cassie was a stay at home Mom with one little boy.  Tracy and Cassie met at the gym and began a nice little courtship (because you are dating new Mommy friends-more on that later.)  Tracy seemed a little intense to Cassie.

One day, Tracy, in a passive aggressive way that only, "that Mom" can do, told Cassie that she was concerned for Cassie's son that he may not be ready to start a twos program that both kids were enrolled in.

Cassie was stunned and froze, then became upset.  Upset was replaced with anger.
Cassie texted very nasty things to Tracy.

Tracy did not think she was wrong.

Moral of the story is just like in dating, if red flags go up in your mind on another Mommy, WALK AWAY.  Don't even walk,  Run.

Remember, just because they are Mom's does not mean they are nice.  And if anyone talks smack about your child, to your face or behind your back, it is a deal breaker in the courtship.

Days can be tough enough as you are learning the ropes.  Don't let someone else take any energy that you have left.

Vaccines

I struggled with even discussing this topic on here, as I am not quite sure what the reaction will be.  Then I figured, why not?

I am going to preface this by saying I like Jenny McCarthy.  I think she is amusing, and I like that she tells things the way that they are.

That said, homegirl is not a doctor.

Not to say doctors know everything, because they do not.  No one does.

BUT, I found myself pondering if my son should get his MMR at age 1.  At his first birthday.  After having some wine and getting in to a conversation with another Mom, who assured me I should NOT vaccinate my son because he would become autistic.

Nothing about this is funny.  I was sick with nerves for a few days.

Then I did the research.  Again, I am not a doctor and certainly not one to quote stats, but I will tell you, if you find yourself in a situation like this, step away from the conversation, pour yourself a glass of wine and the following business day, call your Pediatrician.

Also, once again, GOOGLE!
I found so many studies to support my decision.

Point being, you will have lots of fish to fry on this journey.  Deal with things as they come and do not get too crazy over this.

Travel

Travel and Vomit have become fascinatingly synonymous to me.  

There is something about a baby or toddler vomiting that is just incredible.  I think it is because the human is so small, yet that same human can destroy your clothes, hair, shoes, you name it, with one small hiccup that includes what I would call a vomit burp or VURP, moving forward.

I recall so clearly the first instance where my son vomited and I was shocked by the sheer amount of substance.  The first time I was really shocked and caught off guard, my friend Rebecca was visiting me and the baby. 

Just as he had finished I was standing in my living room burping him and suddenly heard what turned out to be a small VURP followed by what I can only describe as my own Niagara Falls.  Large white substance was flying out of this kids mouth like nothing I had ever seen.  It was white because of his formula and boy, does that smell bad.  

Shoes? Ruined.  

Clothes? Ruined.  

Hair? Forget it.

Fortunately I was at home.

You see, we travel with these kids.  You will become a Mom and still want to go on vacation or visit family or have some commitment that will require a plane, boat, train or automobile, and I will tell you, your child's stomach may not like the commitment.  

You are going to be so awesome about packing items one through ten million for the little Mr. or Ms., but you are not going to remember to pack a change of clothes for yourself.  

That is why I am telling you, pack a change of clothes for you.  

Mommy's remember to bring Junior ten different changes of clothing, for every temperature possible, but we find ourselves searching for something, anything that can double as a shirt.  I do not care how good of shape you are in, none of us can fit in to a size 6 month undershirt.  It also will not wrap around as a bandeau or halter top,

I know because I have tried. 

Rachel found herself on a cross country flight with two children, both under age 5.  Not only that, but her twin sister Jennifer, was accompanying her on the flight with her daughter, under the age of 2. While Rachel's daughter pooped that flight away like that child was getting paid by the pound, Jennifer's daughter vomited.  A lot.  All over Jennifer.  Jennifer was able to snag a shirt from a passenger who was witnessing this production of body functions that this little family was showcasing, and was able to change her clothes.  

Shortly after Jennifer changed her clothes, Rachel holding this little vomit machine found the same fate.  Only this time, no passenger had a shirt for poor Rachel.

Rachel begged the flight attendant for a spare anything.  The flight attendant would not budge.  We think it must be against Federal Aviation Guidelines for Flight Attendants to lend clothes to passengers covered in baby vomit, but do not quote me on that.

This is how Rachel found herself in a tiny tank top, getting off of a flight in NYC in the winter.

The moral of the story here, is pack a change of clothes for yourself.

Of note, this does not only occur on planes.  Be prepared for boats, cars, vans, taxis...

About this Laughin' Mommy

Becoming a Mother was the most wonderful and simultaneously frustrating experience in my life

As a young Mom, with no prior experience, I was bewildered and at times really hard on myself.  I often found myself in situations where I wondered, “what am I doing wrong?” “Why cant I get it together?”

I felt embarrassed to admit that I had no clue what I was doing and as a result, something as simple as packing a diaper bag felt like climbing a mountain.  I remember when my son came home from the hospital and I was going to take him out to his first doctor appointment, my diaper bag had one item in it.  Orajel.  

Because what the heck else did a 3 day old need?

I saw other Moms pushing strollers around Manhattan and they appeared rested, dressed and seemingly to have this Mom role down pat.  Why was I the frizzy haired, dark circled, crazy lady that felt like she could not remember what she did five minutes ago?

Ill tell you, my doubt in myself really took a toll after a while.  I had a moment where I said to myself, “I can do this.  You will change that next diaper and you will figure out what each newborn cry means.”

But I continued to feel like I was failing.

Finally, I wrapped my head around things.  Google, was a blessing.  How parents were parents before the internet will forever remain a mystery.  But I decided I had a duty to share my stories, and in some cases the stories of my friends.  If I could help one soon to be or brand new Mom out there, then I feel, in some small way, I have been a success.

I hope you find these experiences as funny as I do.  I also hope these tales from the Mother Hood help you to go easy on yourself and find some humor, even in the darkest of days.

In some tales, names have been changed to protect the Baby Mamas…