I Survived my Mother In Laws Visit

Its a total cliche. I am a daughter in law who does not get along with her mother in law.

BFD.

This is not shocking, unique, or interesting.  

They say that men marry women who have similarities to their mothers. My poor husband must have meant to marry someone else that day and was too drunk to realize it was me, since this lady and I could not be more opposite. 

She was born in the country, I, in the city.  She's a nurse, I'm a beauty/fashion/media contributor.  She's tall and I'm short. I could go on. But you get the point. Nothing alike. 

Anyway, she announces in May that she's coming to visit June 16th in her RV and we are supposed to drop everything because she decided to visit. 

Past experience tells me that this visit will be a pain.  It's especially dicey because the visit is over Father's Day and my Husband's birthday.  It's also the start of my son starting summer vacation, so our schedule changes quite a bit. 

Bluntly speaking, it's not the right time for a visit. 

I had an unforeseen family circumstance occur on my side of the family that I had to tend to, so I was less available mentally, physically and emotionally this time around. 

Each mother in law visit has the same story.  My MIL insults me and I responding to the insult with

something crass and we have an argument. 

I can't live that way anymore.

Over the last two years I've "cleaned out" my mental place of situations and people that cause me harm. It's been a very healthy process. In order to continue in that spirit, I had to figure out how to manage this woman. 

My strategy was complex, but doable. My goal was going to be the best prize fighter of all time. It was my chance to be the daughter in law version of Sugar Ray Robinson.

I entered the ring, or in my case South Street Seaport, for a boat ride and early dinner. 

She gossiped about people's wives (which I can not stand.)  

She repeated sentences two and three times that she thought would get a rise out of me.

She undermined me as a parent and asked my five year old to go camping with her, (she knows the answer is "no.")

Sugar Ray Robinson said nothing. 

I was a prize fighter on defense ducking, blocking, and tucking.  

But she would get no jabs from me. 

My Husband was shocked by the match. 

I even gracefully handled my son blowing me up when he told my MIL that, "mommy said the dinosaur structure you sent me was stupid and threw it out."

She had one in her hand reminding him of the wood chips that were all over our apartment. I asked
her to put the one in her hand together and she quickly saw my frustration.

I think we have both grown, but I can only speak for myself. 

I've learned in two years of cleaning out mental and emotional clutter that other people's problems can not become your problems.

I can't change this woman.  No matter how much I talk back or argue I'm powerless to make her change.  

What was empowering was that I could change myself and my way of handling the situation. I was strong enough to handle every verbal punch thrown at me with grace and dignity. 

I also had my lawyer put in writing that my son is never allowed to go camping with this woman. 

Just to avoid any future confusion.