Leaving the nest...

It seems over the last few weeks, I've been conflicted.
This is an odd feeling and not one that I respond well to.
After maternity leave I went back to work and had a nanny to care for my son and It didn't work for me Fortunately, for the first time ever, in my line of work the money is ok, not a deal breaker since most of my after tax income went to pay the nanny.  I was able to make a decision and my decision was to become a stay at home mom (SAHM).  Something I NEVER thought I'd do.

Now my child goes to school for a full school day and it seems to me that I should be working. In my mind it seems I should go back to work and somehow find a position where I can leave at 2pm to be at pick up by 2:30. Sounds like searching for the impossible?

It is.

Don't get me wrong, I have my free lance work and my writing, but somehow, I think that I should be working full time, but really part time because I never finished work at 5, let alone 2. I should also be raising my family and taking care of every single aspect of what goes on in my household.

It's caused me anxiety.

My son is five, so it's not like you can hand them a metro card and be like, "see you tonight."
At the same time I feel a little lost and like I'm missing a piece of something.

Yesterday, I finally updated my resume. It made me feel so much better.
I looked at all of my academic and professional achievements in my career journey and it reignited my soul.

If you are feeling a little blah, whether working or working as a mom at home, I recommend making a list of your accomplishments. It works wonders for the psyche. It also helped regenerate my creativity, which was a little blue, along with my feeling of magenta.

If you watch the golden girls you will know what I mean about feeling "magenta."